This Is Us [Standalone]
Summary: Two bestfriends loose their viginity to each other. In a little sweet, a little awkward way.
Disclaimer: This is, of course, not written for profit and I don't intend to offend anyone.
Beta: x_mychem_rock_x was so kind to beta this. Thank you so much!
“It’s embarrassing,” Frank states. Gerard rolls his head to the side on the pillow, enabling him to look at his friend's face. Frank's laying on his back facing the ceiling, and he grins, even though the subject of their conversation really isn’t anything to grin about. Really.
Gerard looks up too, squirming against the soft, silky sheets on Frank’s bed. He loves Frank’s bed. It's so huge and soft, and he loves how they can watch movies and play videogames on it all night without any parental disturbance. Back home in his basement, there’s no sign of a TV; the only bed in there is really teeny weeny and has tattered old Batman sheets which were totally cool when he was like, twelve, but now, at seventeen, totally aren't. Also, his mom has ears like a bat and their walls are super-thin so they can't even laugh loudly, which happens a lot when he’s with Frank. He thinks it’s the reason he spends so much time up here with him in the attic of the huge Iero house. The super-bed and videogames are just a bonus, because Frank is the coolest guy in the universe, his best friend for as long as he can remember and he would stay up here just with him anyway. Even if there was thin walls and annoying mothers here as well.
“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” Gerard says, but he doesn’t grin. “Do you think everybody knows?” He looks over at Frank with a concerned look.
“I don’t really know,” Frank shrugs. “I think they expect that we have, ‘cause like, even some of the guys in the chess-club have and we’re pretty….we’ve partied and stuff y'know? So, actually, I don’t think they know.” He looks at Gerard, who nods.
“Good. That’s good.” They both turn to face the ceiling and drift off into silence.
“Why though?” Frank exhales loudly and flails a little with his arms. Gerard jumps a little, 'cause he never gets used to Frank's little outbursts. “Fucking chess-club! And we haven’t! Us! You and me!” Frank sits up and hovers over Gerard with a wild look on his face. “What’s the fuck is wrong with us?”
Gerard is silent and sort of scared for a moment, watching Frank intently. And then he smiles.
“Because girls won’t fuck guys who looks more girly than themselves?” He grins stupidly.
For a moment it looks like Frank is about to punch him, but then he just erupts into laughter and drops down on the mattress again, poking Gerard in the side with his elbow.
“That’s so right! Oh my God!” Frank says before he sits up and leans over Gerard again. The serious look he’s giving him is intimidating. “We should become more masculine.”
“I don’t know.” Gerard shrugs and eyes the ceiling. He’s silent for a while before he looks into Frank’s eyes. “I’m not really interested, y'know?” He’s concerned, especially when Frank’s eyes widen like that.
“In sex?” Frank says, like he can’t believe his own ears. Who doesn’t want sex?
“No,” Gerard says, his eyes more concerned and shifty than ever. “I’m interested in sex, I am. I’m just not interested in….I don’t know. Girls?”
The following silence makes Gerard’s knees start to shake slightly and he thinks fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck!
Until Frank grins and poke him again.
“I knew that,” he snorts.
“You did?” Gerard’s eyes are the ones to widen now.
“Yeah, of course. I thought we agreed on the queer thing ages ago,” Frank smiles.
“You mean…?” Gerard’s even more surprised than he was a few seconds ago, if possible.
“Yeah, you haven’t noticed?” Frank says like it’s nothing. Then they both begin to laugh madly, having to gasp for air for a while. “We’re both such fags,” he laughs.
“And sooo virgins!” Gerard replies.
The laughter takes a while to calm down and then they fall into silence, laying on their backs studying the ceiling again.
“Why won’t boys fuck us then?” Frank frowns.
“Well, we’re just seventeen,” Gerard starts. He doesn’t really know what he’s about to say. He doesn't really have a reason either. “I guess coming onto someone who is the same sex as you could be social suicide these days. Especially if you don’t know whether they’re really gay. And no one knows with us, eh? Haven't expected anyone to make a move.”
Frank nods. “That makes sense.”
“Like, we’re the only gay boys I know about around here. Guh, I’m gonna have my V card in my back pocket until I’m thirty,” Gerard sulks.
Frank doesn’t respond, just turns around to lie on his side, rests his head on his arm and looks at Gerard. They’re silent again for a while.
“I’d fuck you,” Frank states suddenly. Gerard chokes and sits up, then gives Frank a shocked look.
“I said I’d fuck you. You’re hot,” Frank grins. “If I was just a guy, seeing you around here, knowing you were gay….I think I’d dare to come onto you.”
Gerard lets out an erratic breath, smiling shyly.
“Uh….thanks? I’d do the same to you, if I dared.”
“You would?” Frank asks, still lying on his side grinning at Gerard. There’s something new in his voice, it makes Gerard nervous.
“Yeah,” Gerard says and lies down again. He stares at the mattress, making his hair cover his face. Frank just grins. There’s another silence; clammy this time. Gerard fiddles with the fabric of his shirt. He knows Frank is watching him.
It's not often that Gerard feels like this near Frank; like he's uncomfortable and self concious. All aware of how close they are on the bed, afraid to do anything inapropriate, afraid that Frank will think he's got the hots for him. 'Cause that's not something he should feel for his buddy. It happens sometimes though. Like this, when they're on the subject of sex, when they're all close and intimate like this, or when Frank gets too touchy, which he often does. Frank's just one for groping and laying close and stuff.
Really, he should have known from the beginning that they were both so awfully gay.
"We don't have to be virgins," Frank states, rousing Gerard from his thoughts. Gerard frowns at him, brushing the hair away from his clammy forehead.
"No...." Frank smiles, and he fiddles a little, delays what he's about to say. "We can have sex. Which each other."
It comes out a little faster than it was intended to and it makes Gerard jump and blush furiously.
"Wha-what?" Gerard splutters, sitting up and almost knocking Frank over on his way. Frank sits up too and scoots a little closer.
"I want to do that. With you. I mean, we would both have come onto each other, yeah? We said so. So I think you're really hot. And I, I would really like to give that. My virginity. To you." Frank's voice is more nervous and soft than Gerard is used to hearing it and his words makes him blush even more. He can't seem to be able to meet Frank's eyes and he's silent for a little longer than strictly nescessary, making Frank even more nervous.
"Okay okay, we can forget about this, okay? It was stupid, forget I ever mentioned it," Frank pleas, gripping Gerard's hand, coming even closer so that he can look into Gerard's eyes properly.
Finally, Gerard lifts his chin to look back, meeting Frank's eyes uncertainly.
"No," he whispers. "I mean, yeah. I would, I would really like to do that with you too."
Frank gasps sofly. "You would?"
"Yeah," Gerard whispers again, shivering a little, his heart feeling like it's beating out of his chest. He's aware of how fucking close they are. It's fucking cliche, like in all that gay fanfiction he secretly reads online, but their breath really does mingle and it smells so much of Frank. Which should be wrong in a sitation like this but it's also fucking exciting.
"Hey," Frank says and smiles, cupping Gerard's face. "We're in this together, huh? We can do this. It's just us." And then he kisses him.
They've both kissed people before. Not necessarily very much but enough to know how it goes. They've made out with girls at school dances in the past, and Gerard remembers the time he discovered that he might be a little queer. A time some years ago when he was on vacation in California with his family and a guy he'd met kissed him. He hadn't pulled away, just shivered and kissed back.
Frank kisses differently from everyone he's ever kissed before. He's more intense, impatient and he uses his teeth carefully when he sucks Gerard's lower lip into his mouth. It makes them giggle and kiss faster and more needily as they start touching each other with shaky hands. Frank roams his fingers over Gerard's back, under his shirt, over his neck and down to his ass. He's everywhere and it makes Gerard smile, 'cause it's so Frank and that makes him feel a little more secure.
“Um, I guess this has to come off,” Gerard mutters into the side of Frank’s mouth and tugs slightly at the hem of his t-shirt.
“Yeah.” Frank nods, leaning away slightly, and it takes a moment before Gerard gets that he's supposed to pull it off. He rolls the fabric up and over Frank’s torso, and Frank raises his arms up so Gerard can pull it off completely. He throws it away to the side mindlessly, because wow. He sits there silently, watching Frank’s naked chest and his breath comes out in erratic puffs.
“Erm,” Frank says, hunching his shoulders self-consciously and looking down at his hands.
“Oh!” Gerard snaps back from his zone out and gesticulates between them, without knowing what it is he's really doing. “Um.”
Then he sort of gets it and his hands fly to his own shirt hem and pull vigorously. He manages to get his head stuck totally and Frank has to help. His hair is a ruffled mess when they get it off and the shirt joins Frank’s on the floor.
They just watch each other uncomfortably for a second before Frank leans forward and kisses him again.
Frank is the first to go for the jeans. He sneaks a hand down Gerard’s stomach, nervously stroking the skin right above his jeans before he grips the button, pops it open and drags down the fly. Gerard shudders when he shoves his hand inside, palming over his dick.
"Oh," he says, though he didn't really intend to. He blushes and Frank grins. Gerard sits immobile for a while as Frank feels him up before he realizes what's happening and goes for Frank's belt. It's really difficult to get it open but he manages after some struggle and the button and fly goes easily. Frank leans back, takes his hand out of Gerard's pants and pulls off his own jeans completely, shoving them off the bed along with his socks. Gerard can't help but stare and sit there frozen again, until Frank starts to pull his jeans as well. It brings him back to reality and he pulls them off and throws them away.
Both in their boxers, Frank leans forward and they kiss again. This time, Frank dares to shove his hand inside Gerard's boxers and grip his cock. Gerard would think the look on his face was really funny, if he didn't have a fist - someone else's fist - wrapped around his cock. He looks surprised and mesmerized, like this is the coolest thing he's ever done. It makes Gerard want to try too. So he does the same to Frank, jacking him unsteadily.
It is awesome. Though really scary too.
Frank's breathing comes out in little gasps and he starts jacking Gerard harder. He leans back, pulling Gerard on top of him, and with his patience, it isn't long before he pushes Gerard's boxers down his thighs and Gerard has to help to get both pairs discarded. He closes his eyes, pretending like he isn't really naked with another person for the first time.
It changes now. Frank spreads his legs so Gerard lies in between them and takes a hold of his ass, grinding against him roughly. It's so goodgoodgood and yet so awkward to feel Frank's dick hard against his own, that Gerard almost looses himself, gripping the sheets by Frank's head and grinding down just as hard. He becomes aware that they're both sweating and panting, like after football practice.
"Wait," Frank whispers suddenly and stills. Gerard stops immediately, concerned. "It's. We got to do it properly. It's not gonna work if we keep doing this, I'm too close," Frank blushes. "Uh, how are we gonna do it?"
"How are we gonna do what?" Gerard asks. He may admit to himself that he hasn't thought this through properly.
"Who's gonna top? Like, who's gonna fuck who?" Frank says, and Gerard gets it.
"Uh, I don't know?"
"I want you to top," Frank states, like he's really thought it through. "Seems sensible."
"O-okay," Gerard says, and then he really gets it. OhmyGod, he's gonna have his dick inside of Frank. Of course that's how it's done, he's watched enough porn, he should know that.
"Good." Frank smiles and rolls Gerard over so he can stand up. He's so naked, Gerard can't help but stare.
Frank finds some lotion from that time he played football all day and got really sunburned – it smells like summer – and shoves it into Gerard’s hand. Gerard just stares at it for a second before he shakily opens it and squirts a respectable amount onto two of his fingers. He's seen this before, he knows what to do. His fingers shake though and he almost doubts that he'll be able to actually do it.
Frank sits in his lap, grinding against him slowly, and they kiss for a moment, until Gerard decides to just do it already. Before his mind blanks out on him and he won't be able to do anything at all. So he bends his arm around to Frank's back, sneaking his hand downwards over his ass slowly and finds his crack. It takes quite some time before he can feel where the texture of Frank’s skin is different, where it dips inwards. He looks into Frank’s eyes, asking for permission.
“Go on,” Frank whispers.
So Gerard pushes and Frank tenses.
“That’s weird,” Frank grins. “You've got your fingers in me.”
Gerard laughs unsteadily and keeps going until it’s all slippery around his fingers. It might be the oddest thing he’s ever felt.
Frank has a condom from that time in class when they got them for free and learned how to put them on bananas – and it’s practically dripping with irony that he had paired up with Gerard that time to do it – and he feels twenty different shades of awkward when he ruffles around in his bedside table to find it.
Gerard had watched Frank roll the condom onto the fruit carefully, the tip of his tongue poking out to the side and he had laughed at him.
“You seem to be a natural,” he'd teased.
“I’m natural to everything related to sex,” Frank had said, and he waved the condom covered banana at Gerard with a smirk.
“Pssh, you haven’t even had sex,” Gerard had replied. After like, two, three seconds, Frank had answered with a shrug.
“No, not yet,” and he'd been serious. Gerard had never asked but he'd been assuming that Frank had gotten lucky with the girl he’d been dating for a week or two a few months back. Guess I was wrong then, he'd thought, and felt slightly relieved.
He also figures Frank would have told him the second he lost his virginity. Fuck, he knows Frank would. He’d sure tell Frank straight away if something ever happened to him.
He hadn’t thought he would be watching Frank roll a condom onto him only a year later, the tip of his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth just like the last time.
When it’s on, Frank rolls onto his back, dragging Gerard with him to lie above. Gerard looks down on Frank, smiling nervously and feeling his lips shake. When Frank spreads his legs, he feels like he’s shaking all over.
They find a way they fit together – Frank’s back flat against the mattress, knees bent and feet aligned to the sheets, with Gerard fit between his thighs just like they need him to. Gerard lays his forehead down on Frank’s, both slick with sweat beads already, and looks into his eyes before he kisses him softly and with a closed mouth, their lips matching just as well as their bodies do. They shiver; it’s kind of annoying that they just can’t seem to calm down, not daring to do anything yet. Gerard leans away from the kiss and looks at Frank nervously.
“Are you sure?” he asks, and his voice quivers just enough for Frank to hear.
“Yes,” he answers, and it’s with honesty.
Reassured, Gerard lines up – with help from his hand to find where he’s supposed to go and to hold his cock in place, and Frank, who bends his hips into position – and pushes. It’s not as easy as one would think; it’s really, really tight and Gerard feels like he has the biggest cock in history. Which would be nice in any other situation than this. He stops immediately because Frank tenses and scrunches up his nose a little before simply shrugging it away.
“Just go on,” Frank whispers into Gerard’s cheek. “It’s not that bad, just, go slow. Okay?”
“Okay.” Gerard nods and keeps going, slow, as slow as he can because, oh God, and it takes two, maybe three minutes before he’s buried all the way in and hears the angels call at him from above.
“Ohhh,” he breathes out. He has to lie still for a while, not only to let Frank get used to it but to make sure he doesn't come right there and then. After a few moments though, he feels Frank get impatient beneath him, urging him to go on.
So he does, pulling out a little and then pushing back in. It's pretty slow for quite a while as they both get used to it, finding a rythm. The spreed progresses soon enough though, and Gerard starts moaning softly in the back of his throat, almost too silent to hear, when Frank pushes up to meet his thrusts. They quickly get too into it to care that it's a little clumsy, out of rhythm and makes weird noises. Before long, they're moving fast and hard, the headbord slamming softly against the wall.
Frank’s head is pressed back into the sheets, jaw slack, neck exposed, and Gerard kisses it wetly, more like pressing his open lips against the skin desperately and breathing into it, harsh and ragged in time with his back and forth movements. He feels the goose bumps that erupt where Frank’s neck meets his jaw, just as it does down his own neck when one of Frank’s deep breaths erupts into a soft moan. More like a soft, plush sound – mmh-ah.
Frank throws his arm out to the side, holding onto the sheets with a tight grip as Gerard presses into him especially hard. His own palm finds its way over Frank’s shoulder, following his lean arm until he finds the hand and intertwines their fingers tightly; both their palms turned down to the bed, Gerard’s hand closed over Frank’s.
The muscles in Gerard’s butt and thighs are tired, so tired, as they work in circulating soft, firm movements, as deep as he can go into Frank, pushing his thighs apart every time he moves forward. Their skin is wet with a sheen of sweat, so the friction is both awkward and good but that’s not taken into consideration as Frank’s toes curl just as Gerard’s hips do.
His breath and the sounds he makes are kinda embarrassing ‘cause he can’t seem to be able to shut up, but at the same time it sounds kinda hot; all silent mmh, mhh, ah, ah. But Frank makes those sounds too, more even, so it’s okay. Their skin makes this sound too; the sound you always hear in porn, the slapping sound that comes every time Gerard thrusts in. He moves kinda fast, the slapping sound is erratic, and he sees Frank’s head move back and forth against the sheets with each thrust. He’s really fucking Frank, he thinks for a second.
He feels like the luckiest boy on the planet; like it was totally worth seventeen years of waiting.
His muscles are protesting vigorously and it’s getting hard to stay in the same position for a long time. He has to shift his arms, it’s getting hard not to fall down on Frank completely and he’s afraid to squeeze him. Every other trust, he angles his hips and replaces his knees but it’s not fucking working. It’s so, so good he thinks he’s not gonna be able to hold back for much longer. Especially with that wonderful sex face Frank is making. But his stomach fucking hurts and he just can’t keep thrusting anymore. He slumps down onto Frank, buried as deep as he can go, and lets out a deep breath.
“Ouch,” he whispers, embarrassed. Swearing under his breath at himself for not working out more.
“What?” Frank says with concern, looking worriedly at Gerard. “Does it hurt? Is something wrong?”
“No no!” Gerard hurries to say. “It’s just….fucking, it stings. My stomach hurts, I can’t hold up.”
Gerard can feel himself blush profusely and he really, really hopes Frank doesn’t hate him now.
“Hey, it’s okay. Come on, move around,” Frank says, and he doesn’t sound annoyed at all. Actually, he sounds a bit excited. What?
“What?” Gerard frowns.
“I’m gonna ride you,” Frank grins. Oh.
“Oh.” Gerard just stares up at him for a second, dazzled, before he catches his mind and rolls off of Frank and onto his back. There’s a sudden 'pop' as Gerard slips out of him. He manages to squeeze Frank’s bent leg as he goes, too. Frank scrambles after him, leaning over and giving him a peck on the lips before he straddles him. Frank has his knees on both sides of his hips and he leans on his hands over Gerard’s shoulder. It’s a pretty hot position, Gerard thinks.
Gerard gasps as Frank’s fist closes around the base of his erection and he gasps again as Frank angles his hips so that Gerard’s tip meets his entrance. He sits like that for a few seconds and they just look into each others eyes until Frank nods. And then he lowers himself.
Frank goes slow until he's sitting steady in Gerard’s lap. They’re both panting slightly and they keep eye contact as Frank begins to move. He looks self-conscious all of a sudden and he leans over Gerard, mouth hovering a few inches away from his as he moves up and down on his shaft slowly. Gerard bends his knees and takes a hold of Frank’s hips so that he can push upwards into him. The rhythm of their meeting hips is uneven and insecure but Frank seems to gain confidence as Gerard helps with the thrusting, and he goes faster. They both close their eyes, kissing messily.
It goes smoothly, Gerard thinks. There’s a time or two when he slips out of Frank, but Frank is quick to guide him in again, and their rhythm gets uneven a couple of times but it’s nothing too bad.
In this position, nothing hurts and the rhythm gains speed, getting frantic. Gerard snaps of out his euphoric daze and hurries to wrap his hand around Frank’s bobbing cock to drag his orgasm from him faster, because damn if Gerard can keep it in much longer.
“Yes,” Gerard whispers blissfully, because it feels so, so good and he's reaching his peak, he can feel it. It makes his stomach and thighs shake, and he grips Frank’s hip hard and jerks his cock even harder. Frank bobs on top of him so fast that the sound of the slapping skin erupts again. Frank giggles.
"Yes," he says again, more like a breath. Because Frank is moving so fast on him, he's coming like, now. Frank grips his shoulders so hard it will bruise and suddenly he can feel sticky warm squirts of Frank's cum landing on his stomach. It's just enough to make him thrust up even faster and come hard right into Frank's compulsing muscles. It's like he's been hit in the face by his own orgasm. Hard.
They keep moving for a little while longer, slowing down, grinning cheesily at each other. Finally, Frank slumps down on him, kissing his cheek before he nuzzles his neck.
"Wow," he breaths. "So that was sex."
"Yeah," is all Gerard can say. His grin is gonna tear up his face, he's pretty sure.
After a while, Gerard slips out of Frank and the condom gets a little awkward, so he rolls away to take it off and throw it in Frank's paper bin. When he lies back, Frank snuggles in close and pulls the sheets over them.
Gerard feels more than a little in love.
“I’m so happy I did it with a boy the first time,” Frank sighs blissfully into Gerard’s neck. “I know a lot of gay boys do it with a girl the first time, to like, convince themselves they’re straight. Or they find out afterwards that pussy’s not for them.”
Of course, Gerard thinks, feeling the sting that shoots though him. Frank’s not happy that he slept with him, he’s just happy that it was any guy. It’s so confusing how disappointed he feels right then. He should have at least noticed that he went around secretly having it bad for Frank. His best fucking friend. There’s a long, uncomfortable silence where it feels like his breath scars his throat on the way down. Then he can’t stop the words that spew out of him; can't help how harsh they sound.
“Glad I was here at your disposal, then.” He regrets it immediately. He should just nod, smile and agree, and then put his stupid feelings in his mental garbage bag and pretend they never happened. It would make it thousand times better to just get away from Frank’s warm, comforting arms right now, so he tries.
Frank holds him down at his chest though - so much for the escape - and sits up to look down at him.
“Shut up, asshole.” He grins and pulls himself closer, so close to Gerard’s face that Gerard feels his breath and he needs to get away now, to stop his heart from aching itself to pieces. “I’m glad it was you. You know that right?” And then he’s super-close for a second, his eyes closed and beautiful as always, before Gerard feels their lips touch. He can’t help but kiss back and sneak an arm around Frank and cup his neck.
“You are?” he whispers into Frank’s mouth.
“Yes! Do you think I’d just bone my best friend and then go on as if nothing happened? ‘Dude, thanks for taking my virginity’?” He laughs and looks at Gerard, inches away, and then there’s a wave of concern washing over his features. “You don’t think of this like that, do you?”
“No!” Gerard says, a little too quick and a little too loud. “I mean, no. Oh God, I was so scared for a second,” he grins, and then Frank kisses him again and they can’t stop laughing. It’s really awkward, laughing into each others mouths like this, but they don’t care.
“It’s convenient too,” Frank smiles when they separate. “We don’t have to go on dates ‘cause we already know each other inside out, I already love you and we have common friends so there’s no change of getting freezed out by your gang. Plus, my parents love you.”
“My mom loves you too,” Gerard says. “Sometimes, I think she wishes you were her son instead of me.”
“She wouldn’t if she knew what I just did to her innocent, virginal little son,” Frank laughs.
“Don’t be too sure of that. If she knew I topped, she’d be mad at me for doing such a thing to you.”
“I’ll have to fuck you now then, so it’s an even game,” Frank says and kisses him again.
“Fuck yes,” Gerard laughs blissfully. He can’t wait.
C&C is warmly welcomed <3