the dirty, filthy liar (waybeyondreason) wrote,
the dirty, filthy liar

The Dog Call [Standalone]

Title: The Dog Call
Author: waybeyondreason
Pairing: Frank/Gerard
Rating: PG-13
POV: Third
Summary: Wanna go cuddle? Wanna go cuddle a little? Gerard didn't learn his leasson from the cow accident. Learn from this kids; lock you cellphone keypad if you have a dog and a boyfriend with a passion for cuddle talk.
Disclaimer: It'd be really witty if this happened, but I really don’t think it did.
Beta: lemmethink_nooo, because Jules Rules as always <33
Word Count: 866
Author Notes: A follow up to The Cow Call, as this is the other commercial of the sort. Inspired by a TV commercial, this one, written basically just to make you smile a little. I think all Norwegians here are gonna recognize it. So, thanks to Netcom! Thanks to skittlesnfrank for the icon.
Warnings: Stupidness, and shortness.

You should think that Gerard learned from the cow accident that locking your key pad was a smart thing to do. That the slamming door, angry yells and shitload of confusion and eventual understanding and explaining should have been a reminder each time he pockets his phone. But to be bluntly honest – it didn’t. At all.

He managed to fix things perfectly with Frank the last time, though. They laughed it off, and managed to eventually have that romantic night that they’d planned. It may even been more perfect that they’d imagined. And it basically just went perfectly from there, and it has Gerard smiling as he walks up the front path to their house. Yes, you heard me all right – their house. They have their own nice, little place that they can call home, just the two of them, and it’s white with a green front lawn and a white little fence around it to go perfectly with the cliché. And just to top it all with a sweet little cherry – they have a dog too. You’d almost expect them to have a bunch of kids called Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

They just got the dog from a rescuing centre, so it’s some neat mix between a German Shepard and Terrier-something (Frank likes to call it ‘street mix’ and then giggle a little), and it’s the happiest, sweetest thing Gerard has ever seen, maybe except for Frankie of course. That’s actually why he demanded that they had to call it exactly that.

So, you remember his luck, right? Yeah, of course you do, so when Gerard opens the front door and is greeted with a wagging tail and excited jumps, something is just doomed to go pear shaped. And it does.

The dog’s paws hits the – perfectly unlocked – key pads on his pocketed cell phone, and it makes a call. To Frank. Again.

Frank is down at the local Supermarket, standing in front of the vegetables and wondering if he’s going to choose red or green apples, and is about to pick both when his phone buzzes and he picks it up. As per usual, a happy jolt runs through his body when he sees who’s calling.

“Hey Gee,” he smiles.

Hey honey!”

The sweet happy voice makes Frank grin dumbly, and he forgets everything about red or green apples. They could be blue, he wouldn’t care.

“Hey sweetie.”



Hey, Frankie boy, hey!”

Frank giggles a little. Gerard can be so dumbly sweet sometimes, and judging by his voice, this is such a day. They’ve never told anyone, but sometimes, because Gerard knows that Frank just loves it, he uses this as his bedroom voice. Frank thinks it’s more seductive and arousing than anything. So he laughs into the phone, to let Gerard know it’s working.

You’re such a sweet boy. Yes you are, yes you are!”

Wow, Frank thinks. Gerard must be really up to it today. He’s already blushing and looking down on his shoes and all, and the dude picking up oranges beside him gives him a weird look.

“Thanks,” Frank both whispers and giggles into the phone.

You are so beautiful, you know that? Yes, you’re so beautiful.”

Frank puts his hand over his mouth as he giggles, and shies away from the open fruit sections to hide in between some tall shelters with tinned stuff or something, he doesn’t really notice.

Can I get a kiss? A little kiss?”

Frank is giggling madly as he hears Gerard’s smacking kissing noises over the phone. Looking around carefully to make sure no one sees, he brings the phone to his mouth and makes little kissing noises himself.

Wanna go cuddle? Wanna go cuddle a little? The two of us?”

“What, now?” Frank giggles. He can’t believe he’s hidden in between tinned asparagus and what-not, getting propositioned by his boyfriend. Gerard must know what this does to him, that silly fucker. “No!” he laughs.

When he hears naughty barking into the phone, he starts giggling for real. He can tell Gerard has been practicing on his barking too, ‘cause it sound pretty damn real. Again, he’s making sure no one sees before he barks a little into the phone himself, feeling amazingly stupid, but also pretty amused. He’s already starting to think of how he’s going to reward Gerard when he gets home. He’s actually considering to skip the whole shopping thing and go straight home. That until…

Wanna go pee? Wanna go outside and pee, Frankie?”


It got more embarrassing than this, I promise you. Just imagine the scenario that went on when Frank went home, thinking that his boyfriend had a (weird, but not unacceptable) fetish for peeing. I hope I won’t need to elaborate. And it got even more embarrassing than that (yes, it’s possible) some years later when Pete Wentz got his hands on this story, and, of course, wrote a song again that he called You’re Like A Dog In The Way That Your Barking Turns Me On, that persistent fucker. Luckily, he never put it on a record, even though it took some serious ear pinching to stop him from doing so.

The End.

Tags: fic, standalone
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